What He Really Wants for Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is for women. Everyone knows that. If this holiday was for men, it would be called “Respect Day’ because men need respect. Women need love, therefore they appreciate the concept of Valentine’s Day because it celebrates love, and therefore it celebrates women.

But Valentine’s comes with a lot of pressure. Women are waiting in their offices, secretly wondering if they will receive flowers or balloons, while other women in their office are oohing over their over-the-top bouquets with cards attached written by florists, not their husbands. So ladies, let’s put ourselves in our fella’s shoes for a minute and imagine what he probably wants for Valentine’s.

• A reminder– You don’t have to bonk him over the head, but if he is bad with dates, a simple reminder to him or on his calendar goes a long way. Don’t try testing him to see if he remembers. He might not! And that would stink for both of you!
• Alone time– But “Wait!” you say, “this is Valentine’s Day!” You are correct kind lady, but keep in mind that when your hubby has a little space from you, he has time to miss you, and he has time to think of ways to please you. Keep your honey-do list short over the next couple of weeks so he has time and energy to dream up something special.
• Not to be outdone­– They know they are supposed to do something sweet for you. The sea of red and pink in every store across the nation helps drive the point home. More than likely, he is not expecting a gift from you. He likes being fed. He likes being thought of. A gesture is more important than a gift, and if you outspend him, he might feel like he failed you.
• Praise– No, he’s not a puppy, so let’s not condescend him. But romance and romantic efforts don’t come naturally for a lot of guys. If he tries to be romantic or thoughtful and he gets a lukewarm response from you, he might not try again for a while. He will probably feel silly for getting it wrong. Recognize and show appreciation for his efforts.
• Sex– Yeah. I said it. I was trying to think of a way to say it tactfully, but I didn’t want you to miss the point. This would be a bad point to miss ladies. He has a couple of goals in mind. One is to see you happy. The other is to have great sex with you. He knows he is in charge of pushing the romantic envelop and setting the stage for a nice evening. He is banking on you to come through.  Are we tracking?

The bottom line is have fun and enjoy your husband! Don’t set up silly or unrealistic expectations. We can’t use holidays as an excuse to act spoiled. Remember, you have to face him the other 364 days of the year!

View all posts by KristyAnna Wolfe →

My Top 12 Memories of 2012

Spending my birthday in Costa Rica with my husband on my first ever mission trip...

...and dinner on the rooftop after the work was done...

Seeing my husband deliver a sermon at the Abraham Project in Costa Rica (amazing!)

Witnessing my husband and my son get baptized...

 

 

  Kaden's dance party...

...and Byron's old man party...

Jackson's 5th grade graduation from Sango Elementary School...

 

Five rainy days in Key West for our anniversary to reconnect and watch the ocean...

Duct Tape Pants

Jackson's Rules for his Brother

Jackson's inventiveness...

 

The boys' first plane trip...

Kaden took this on his iPad.

Kaden doesn't go anywhere without Buzz

 

 

The launching of Fringe Ministry...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every Thursday night with our amazing small group...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The best date ever, planned by my sweet hubby (involving pottery, Italian food and meandering through the country snapping photos)...

 

Simple moments with the family blowing bubbles and chasing fireflies...

 

and slow dancing...

 

 

 

 

 

 

and LOVE!

 

HAPPY 2013 FRIENDS!

 

Rubies of †ruth: Making Resolutions that can ADD to Your JOY!

Rubies of †ruth: Making Resolutions that can ADD to Your JOY!: Every year millions of folks make resolutions that they have made dozens of times before and failed at before. In the end they feel like fa...

Making Resolutions that can ADD to Your JOY!

Every year millions of folks make resolutions that they have made dozens of times before and failed at before. In the end they feel like failures.

 

I have a friend who makes a resolution to get more organized every year. Every year she feels guilty and disappointed in herself for not meeting her goals. I used to give her tons of advice and organizational strategies that work for me. But she's not me. I am cleaner. She is nicer. Instead of resolving to be more organized, I think she should be resolved to be kinder to herself and accept herself for who she is. She is wonderful, messes and all! The guilt zaps her joy, and the messes aren't hurting anyone.

I made a short list of gentle reminders for my life. I am a visual person and it helps me to have something to look at. Here are some areas of my life that I am working on improving, with the help of the Lord!

What areas of your life could use some more joy? Are there some resolutions you need to let go of in order to live more joyfully?

The Missing Ingredient in Our God Relationship

Can you make a cake without flour?

Last night, we were in bed reading our Bibles. Not because the world was ending and we were "covering our bases", but because it is something we started doing in 2012 and we actually enjoy it. Byron made an interesting observation. He said it seemed like God kept recreating the "Garden of Eden" for mankind. What he noticed, is that God kept giving humans a chance to "get it right" by making the right choice. In other words, in Eden, in Egypt, in the wilderness, God gave us choices: choose to obey Him, or choose to obey our own desires or impulses. Theoretically, it seems simple. In reality, it might be our biggest struggle.

For the people of Israel walked forty years in the wilderness, until all the nation, the men of war who came out of Egypt, perished, because they did not obey the voice of the LORD; the LORD swore to them that he would not let them see the land that the LORD had sworn to their fathers to give to us, a land flowing with milk and honey.
Joshua 5:6

We often feel, and hear, that faith is all that matters. Faith is what matters. "I tell you the truth, anyone who believes has eternal life." (John 6.47) But what is faith? Is is just a feeling, or is it more? Faith is a two-part endeavor. First it is believing without proof. Secondly, it is choosing your actions based on your beliefs. If you say you believe, but you do not change your actions, how much do you really believe?

But he (Jesus) said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it! Luke 11:28

We tend to shy away from matters of obedience. The idea of submission is difficult for our egos to accept. I personally enjoy a message at church that focuses on the love and grace of God. But that is an easy message. That message requires no action on our part. All of the action is coming from Him. Not much of a relationship is it? I have noticed that I am the least happy when I am trying to run the show. I have noticed that I am the most joyful when I am obeying Him, in the moment, one day at a time.

If your child says to you, "Mommy, I love you and I respect you so much," but then he picks up your favorite platter and smashes it in to the floor, do you feel loved and respected? Children make mistakes, but if they were to constantly make choices that hurt you, would you feel like the relationship was healthy?

What if your daughter said to you, "Dad, I really want to make better grades. Will you help me?" You would likely feel excited that she cares about her education. You would probably feel honored that she asked for your help. But what if you never saw her study? What if when you offered her your help, she wouldn't stop text messaging to sit down and receive your help? I wonder if that is how God feels when we ask him for help with our marriage, or our career, or our parenting. If we ask Him for His help but we are constantly being jerks to our spouses and kids, or displaying a poor attitude at work, why would He help us?

My boys used to always ask me to help them clean their rooms. I enjoy the company of my boys and enjoy helping them, so I would usually agree. But often I would begin helping them and then they would just sit there or begin playing with the toys that they were supposed to be picking up. I felt annoyed, unappreciated and a little duped. Guess what? I rarely help them clean their rooms now. I have learned that it is something that they need to do for themselves. But I wish I could help them without being taken advantage of because I could help them make their rooms super cool (and see them smile with the results).

Here is what Byron and I are earnestly focusing on right now:

• Believe that God is answering our prayers until He shows us otherwise.
• Do our very best to obey Him and to care for the blessings He has already given us.

30 Day NO COMPLAINING Challenge

The 30-Day No Complaining Challenge

Venting, gossiping, whining, “explaining”, “stating a fact”, complaining…

What do all of these habits have in common? They can ruin our outlook, and negatively impact the outcome. But often we think of many of these behaviors as acceptable, even normal. However, we usually know, deep down, that complaining is wrong but we do it anyway. Why?

Why We Complain

• We don't know how to solve the problem.
• We don't want to solve the problem (because complaining has become a hobby.)
• We think the problem is bigger than it is (because we think about ourselves too much.)
• We are bored (and don't know how to deal with the silence or find something positive to do.)
• We don't know how to praise ourselves, others, or God (or we don't understand the benefits of it.)
• People around us do it (but which came first, the chicken or the egg?)

The difference between explaining and complaining is the intent and the frequency. Sometimes to solve a problem, we have to talk about it. But when we complain, vent, or gossip to avoid actually dealing with the problem, then we are only hurting ourselves.

Recently, I challenged my children to stop complaining. I realized that I have set a terrible example for a negative attitude. I have made many efforts to improve, and it has improved the joy in my home. The people around me have improved as well. We are so powerful with our words!!

Does God care if we complain? Here are some verses that have encouraged me.

“One day the Israelites started complaining about their troubles. The Lord heard them and became so angry that he destroyed the outer edges of their camp with fire.” – Numbers 11:1 

“Do all things without grumbling or questioning.” – Philippians 2:14  

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29  

“Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.” –James 5:9 

What could we do instead?

• Be quiet. Be quiet. Be quiet. And if that doesn't work, be quiet some more. Smile, even if it hurts your face. 
• Find something better to do with your energy like checking in on a friend who is struggling or serving others in your community.
• Give thanks! Praise God! Count your blessings!
• Pray about it. Write it down. Pray some more.
• Confront the problem (if it's worth discussing, it's worth confronting.)

I don't know about you, but I am tired of stealing my own joy, and the joy of those around me with my grumbling. I am asking you to join me in 30 days of no complaining, grumbling or gossiping. This might make me really quiet for a while, until I get better at the praise part, but I am pretty sure there are many folks who will enjoy a break from negativity.

Who’s in? Could this be a great start to a new year?

† How can I pray for you? Please email me at Kris@RubiesofTruth.com

For more biblical background and practical encouragement on changing how we talk, check out:
Is Your Mouth Saved? (Part 1) by Joyce Meyers 
Is Your Mouth Saved? (Part 2) by Joyce Meyers

 

Why Negative is Beating Positive

 BECAUSE WE LET IT.

I see people post a lot on Facebook about how they are tired of people being negative. They want people to stop being negative online and in life. Since we can't control others, what can we do about it?

• Don't respond / This week, I saw someone post a cute video with a popular female singer. Someone commented that the singer was not wearing enough clothes "as usual." It was tempted to tell her how negative she was being, but it would've only served to aggravate both of us. And remember that you can remove negative people from your feed if responding to them is just too tempting.
• Respond with encouragement / If you must respond, how about sending them an inbox message and let them know you are thinking of them and praying for them. Then DO it.
• Be an example / A little sassiness or dry humor goes a long way. No one wants you to pretend like life is perfect, but if you complain online or in life on a regular basis, 

you can't be upset when someone else resorts to whining too.

• Stop, drop and roll / Oh yeah. That's actually for fires. But sometimes we can get pretty heated over something ugly someone says to us. This week, Byron and I launched our Fringe Ministries website and FB page. I quickly received lots of page "likes" and then in inbox message that was incredibly rude asking me if it was some kind of joke. I was shocked and heated. I could have given it more time and attention (I almost did). Instead I told him I was sorry, and prayed for him. 

I wasn't going to let one upset person with misdirected anger spoil a special time for us, or God's plan.

• Give more weight to the positive than the negative / Ever noticed you can have 5 compliments in a day with 1 criticism, yet you will focus on the thing that hurt you, letting all of the encouragement just float away? 

Positive energy is light and airy. It rises up and drifts away if we don't intentionally harness it by pausing to give levity and thanks to it. Negative energy is like a boulder that pierces through the positive and lands square on our laps. Kick it to the curb by remembering your worth and purpose and the mightiness of your God.   

 How do you beat the negativity that comes your way?